i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
