When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
