the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
