btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
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