i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
This baby is an asshole
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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