I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
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