pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
