Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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