1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
