note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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