Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize