My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
3pm strippers are depressing
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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