Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
