Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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