He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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