it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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