Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
