I'm sorry my penis didn't work
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I just want to make out with him forever
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize