im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
wanna go halves on a baby?
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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