I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize