the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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