I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Randomize