Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
