I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
