@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Randomize
