Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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