so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
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