i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
