I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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