wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
