This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
