i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
