This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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