I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
