you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
