I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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