just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
