she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
