i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
