She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
