no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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