Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
