Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Randomize
