is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
