Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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