i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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