That's intense
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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