dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
