i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize