im drinking this country out of the recession.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize