god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
