come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
zippers are such a cool invention
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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