gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
