Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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