You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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