I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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