I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
