he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize