My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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