just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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