my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize