I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
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