Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
