then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
love makes seman taste better
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
