he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
