do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
