i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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