I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
