I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I party with great urgency now.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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