I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
