College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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