They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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