even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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