My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize