so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
it's like heaven, but drunker
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Randomize
