we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
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