I can't breathe out the right side of my face
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
